Make Britain Grumpy Again

America has voted in a KKK endorsed Oompa Loompa with no political experience, and all the self restraint of a 12 year old boy on X-Box live, as its president during one of the most politically tense times in recent history. Meanwhile the BREXIT vote has opened a Pandora’s Box full of racism and ugliness that’s been simmering under the surface for a long time. There’s so many empty statements flying around ; optimistic nationalism with little substance behind them. Trump said ‘Make America Great Again.’ UKIP spoke about ‘taking back control of our lives.’ Well, I think we really do need to remember our national character: the grumpy Brit.

We didn’t trust our politicians, the tube, the media, the weather, things that could give us cancer (which is everything according to the Mail). We loved the monarchy (God save the Queen), except when we bloody hated the monarchy- (Britain’s richest Welfare family).

We were endlessly obsessed with the weather. We never trusted those foreigners, true (especially the French), but shouting racist abuse at Muslims on the tube was never an option.It’s cruel, sick and nasty and besides, everyone knows that you never speak to anyone on the tube.

We were grumpy, sarcastic, pessimistic and cynical.  And pessimistic and cynical isn’t ruled by emotion. Pessimistic and cynical isn’t someone who goes out and attacks Mosques ( we have a two hour long ride on the tube the next day after all). Pessimistic and Cynical doesn’t believe unrealistic promises. Pessimistic and cynical isn’t someone who’s swayed by a charismatic leader who simplifies life’s problems and claims he can make them all go away. Because Pessimists and cynics don’t take crowd pleasing statements at face value. Pessimists and cynics question everything, they look at what people are saying and realize that if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

These are the British values. We need to keep a stiff upper lip. Whether you voted Labour or Conservative , Leave or Remain, we can’t let our country devolve into what our crazy cousin America’s become: a place where all the fear and disillusionment has lead people to vote for a leader who changed his mind so much depending on popular opinion that we can’t tell what he actually believes. We need to question everything, and remember that the people who seem charming and claim to have all the answers are the most dangerous, untrustworthy people of all.

That’s why , Britain, even though the world is scary place right  now, we need to think things through. We have valid reasons to be against our immigration system, and to fear that political correctness is willfully  ignoring problems staring us right in the face (Rotherham); but still, we can’t swing in the complete other direction. Because the other direction- where extreme racism, antisemitism, Islamophobia, homophobia and mysogyny become normalized- is a dark, ugly place. It’s the place of our worst instincts , a place that our ancestors have fought so hard to move us away from, a place that our troops died to protect us from.

We need to question everything, keep a stiff upper lip, and not let fear and disillusionment drive us to do something stupid. That’s why I say make Britain Grumpy Again.

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